Beware of Emotional Vampires! October 28, 2011
I was thinking that since Halloween is just around the corner, this is the perfect time to get to know (or maybe realize if you are one) what emotional vampires are.
Warning: Emotional vampires are more terrifying than ghouls and goblins! They are people who can suck you dry; emotionally.
I have met a few in my life and I honestly believe that they are not aware of it. Sometimes people are so used to having drama in their lives, that when life seems to be steady and calm, they look for the theatrics in life. I get it. I actually find some drama queens to be such characters but there is a limit to such spectacles.
I’m not one to judge, God knows I have my moments, but being aware of it is key.
An introduction to emotional vampires
Emotional vampires come in various shapes and sizes. Despite the several sub-types, one factor that they all have in common is that you feel emotionally drained after spending time with them. Besides feeling drained, they often take up your time and in some cases money as well. Emotional vampires tend to run in families. If you encounter one, you will want to avoid it and their family members as well.
Some emotional vampires have money. Those with money often use their money as a lure to entice you into their power. Once you are caught in their power they will take the life out of you. In the case of those with money, they will use your desire for money and greed as a way of keeping you in their clutches. They will use not only money, but also drugs, sex, secrets and anything else to have something on you in order to keep you in their control. “You owe me” is a frequently heard phrase coming from these types.
Some people use the term emotional vampires. Other terms used are ‘users’ and ‘takers’. We often have a sense about these types although there are different names for them depending on our experiences with them.
Emotional vampires are dangerous to your emotional and physical health
What are the types of emotional vampires?
The first type is the needy, helpless type. The needy persons often play the helpless role in an effort at getting you to take action. They often interact with a passive way of taking action. They ‘suggest’ or ‘ask’ for what they want from you. Sometimes it is direct, sometimes it is indirect. Whether direct or indirect, they know what they want. For example, if they want a glass of tea. They may make a comment that they are thirsty, or ask you for a glass of tea directly. When I think of this type I often see those large eyed cats that often look so pitiful and helpless.
Another type is the depressed vampire. These are the ones that move slowly. Sometimes they make sounds of struggle as part of their routine. They make every day look like it is a struggle for them. These are easily recognized. They often say very negative things and seem to energize themselves by cutting down and talking about others. They often have a long term frown on their face. When there is laughter it is often forced and almost a cackle rather than genuine belly-jostling laughter. Due to their extreme depressed mood, they often suck the life energy out of you and everything in the room. I have seen these types suck the life out of electric fans and other inanimate objects as well. You can feel these types when they enter a room.
The worst is the necrophilia type. This type is the depressed vampire on steroids. They take depression to a new low. This type does not enjoy life at all, They often talk about their losses, and surround themselves with somber music or even the lack of music. Their rooms are often morgue like, with photos and mementos of life that no longer exists. They items they have reminded them of their losses rather than the happy times they had. When they review their lives, they recall the mistakes, deaths and losses. They talk about death and how life itself is a struggle. If you listen to them, there are often themes of ‘revenge’ or talking about how people do not deserve things. It is this morbid aspect that separates them from the depressed type. Goths may look scary, but these types of persons actually do take the life and enjoyment of life out of you.
How to deal with them
1. Set boundaries. Know ahead of time how far you will go with people. Do not let them violate your boundaries. When they hook you into a crisis, they often violate your boundaries or force you to compromise so that the guilt from compromising your values can be used as leverage against you.
2. Pay attention to your gut feelings. If you gut tells you to stay away, listen to it. When you sense the draining of energy, do not ignore the sensation. The good Lord gave you those sensations in order to protect you from such types of people.
3. Learn how to turn away from guilt. When you can not be hooked, they do not have any power over you. Remember they only have the power that you give them. The more you give into them, the stronger the hold they have on you. Don’t feel guilty if they have hurt feelings.
4. Surround yourself with life and lively things. Listen to lively music dress lively and so forth. Make it a point to enjoy life. Since emotional vampires avoid life and liveliness like the plague, use it to re-energize yourself and keep them away. Rather than garlic, the thing that keeps away these types of vampires is liveliness.
5. Move a lot. Activities like dancing are invigorating. The despondency that often accompanies emotional vampires tends toward extreme passivity the antidote to that passivity is activity and lots of it.
What are their methods?
It is not unusual for emotional vampires to be in crisis and have ways of ‘hooking’ you into their crisis. Once hooked a kind of bonding takes place. Since you went through a crisis with them, they expect you to stay with them. You may hear themes of how only you could understand them, or how only you can help them. There will be other comments of how you are the exception to miserable world in which they live.
Besides crises, they often use crying episodes as another hook. The crying or threat of crying often creates guilt feelings in their victims. True guilt occurs when you violate a moral principle or law. In dealing with them you have broken no law or principle, they want you to feel like you owe them something. Some family structures used guilt as a motivator in raising their children. Children raised in such homes are often more vulnerable to these emotional vampire types.
7 Signs to Look For
Emotional Vampire: One who in their life continually creates chaos and drama that leaves them in the victim role in order to extract sympathy and attention from others. Once successful in finding a sympathetic person, they will latch onto that person and continually exhaust all energy and emotion to feed their own insatiable hurting soul.
Do you know an emotional vampire? Do you have a friend or family member who always leaves you feeling tired and drained after talking? Do you avoid answering the phone or a knock on the door for fear of having to endure your friend’s newest problem? Well you came to the right place for answers. You will find 7 signs to look for that will help you determine if there is an emotional vampire in your life.
1) Do you know someone who when you met them you were mesmerized, they were fun and exciting to be around, you had never met anyone you just clicked that well with before, and then suddenly you noticed yourself going to great lengths to avoid that person?
EV’s are very charismatic people. They often look for victims who they can relate to or share same interests with. Once a bond has been established their true colors start to show, as you have now become a constant energy supplier to their insatiable hunger for energy and emotion.
2) Do you feel exhausted and sleepy after having been around a particular person?
EV’s often leave their victims feeling lifeless and drained after a visit. Some EV’s are so incredibly good at draining their victims they can actually absorb the energy over the phone. If you have a particular person whom every time you encounter them they leave you feeling tired and depressed, they just might actually be an EV.
3) Do you avoid answering the door or phone so that you don’t have to deal with a particular person? Have you found yourself actually trying to find a good lie to cut the unwanted visit or conversation short?
EV’s are such unwanted guests that the victims will go to great lengths to avoid contact with them. If you are finding yourself doing these things, the person whom you are trying to avoid just might be an EV.
4) Do you find yourself wondering about someone at different times of the day, and being angry that you even care what is going on since you really don’t like that person anyways, after all they live in “drama” all the time and you are quite frankly tired of hearing about it all?
Most likely that person is an EV and you are doing your job as they hoped you would by releasing energy and emotion to them. The sheer fact that you give their life and situations a moment’s thought is a continual bond for them to feed from.
5) Do you have a relationship with a person that you have tried to end but just can’t seem to get them to go away? You have asked them to not call or visit you and have expressed that you really are tired of all their drama, yet even if they do leave you alone, in a week or two you call to check up on them?
As you have probably figured out on your own EV bonds are very hard to sever. They are such masters at manipulation that once you are drawn in, they can weave such a bond that even when you have vowed to end the relationship, you find yourself making contact out of guilt. This web of emotional attachment has been skillfully weaved by a EV and may contain many subtly planted triggers including a sense of guilt or shame for even considering severing ties with them. This cycle can repeat over and over and the EV will never tire of the “game”.
6) Unfortunately the very people you should be able to trust and love can actually be sucking/draining the emotional life out of you. Is someone in your family constantly criticizing you? Taking advantage of you, borrowing something but never returning it? Expects you to take care of the details to all family matters? Uses the “but were family” line to get what they want? If you answered yes two at least two of those statements then you have an EV in your family circle.
EV can be all around us, and the most draining ones we encounter are actually members of our family. They are the most difficult to sever ties with as they will go to grave lengths to keep that bond in place, including threatening to alienate you from the rest of the family. They often have so many family members under their spell that this threat seems a very valid reality and the fear of seclusion will cause you to submit and allow yourself to be victim to their vicious and exhausting energy drains.
7) Do you know someone who is very knowledgeable yet you know was not well educated? Do you know a person who has an extraordinary artistic talent yet they don’t seem to be cultivating it to its full potential? Do you know someone who is deeply devoted to religious beliefs that they respond with religious quotes